Just a Mother

Just a Mother


The Groesbecks.

By: Rebbie Groesbeck //

Recently at a sporting event, I was seated next to a beautiful, gregarious woman. We got chatting about our lives, and she asked what I did. I told her I worked in Los Angeles and asked what she did in return. The response came back, “Oh, I’m just a Mom.”

She said it like an excuse. “Just” a Mom.

Obviously this stranger had no idea that though I am a single working woman, I have every ambition of someday being “just” a mom. It made me a little sad that in our exchange, she felt the need to equivocate her Motherhood.

On Mother’s Day, it seemed appropriate to explain why a lot of Mormon women want to “just” be Mothers.

Women in the LDS Church are taught that Motherhood is our divine calling and responsibility. By today’s standards, that sentence sounds almost chauvinistic.

So, men have careers and the Priesthood and women stay home with babies? Isn’t that unfair? Don’t you believe women are smart, that they could have careers, start companies, make a difference in the workplace?

Yes. We do believe every one of those things. I know that women are capable of thriving in the workplace, which is precisely why I respect them for giving it up to become mothers.

The emphasis our doctrine places on women being mothers is not meant to diminish their capability as humans. Instead, it’s to embrace the most innate and important capability women have—our ability to love and nurture. Because Motherhood is the purest form of selfless love and the greatest opportunity to nurture, we believe that there is nothing more honorable, more respectable or more impressive that a woman could do than raise children.

90's

And to dress them in acid washed denim.

I am not arguing that the only good Mothers are stay-at-home moms. The last thing this childless 20-something wants to do is judge any woman’s method of motherhood. But whether a Mother works or stays at home, Motherhood requires giving up a lot of the independence and public praise that single, stroller-free women enjoy.

A past Prophet of the LDS church, President David O. Mckay, taught that “No other success can compensate for failure inside the home.” It’s a simple, poignant truth that I think does a lot to explain a Mormon’s outlook on family.

So like, how many Moms do you have?

I also thought today would be a good time to answer this perpetual question.

I was raised first and foremost by one mother, married to my one father. She is a Nurse by profession and a mother (times five) by choice. She is a social butterfly who knows a children’s song for virtually every occasion and kept our kitchen perpetually stocked with baked goods.

She dressed me in things like this when I was young,

Cowgurl

and things like this six months ago.

Disneyland

Yes, my Mother organized a tie-dye activity on our most recent family vacation, followed by having both adults and children wear our creations to Disneyland. No one got lost.

In addition to my birth mother, growing up in the LDS church meant that I was raised by a community of Mothers. Women who were teachers, writers, actresses—some who were full-time Moms, some who worked outside their homes, but all whose dedication to their family trumped every other aspect of their life.

I was spoiled to have spent each Sunday in my Young Women’s program being told that I was beautiful, that I was a Daughter of God, that I had infinite worth. I attribute a large part of the confidence and self-assurance I have now to the steadying love of the women who raised me.

I want to make it clear that not all of these “mothers” had children. But they did each possess what recent Relief Society President Julie Beck calls a “mother heart.” While not all women will bear children, in Sister Beck’s words, “there is no limit to what a woman with a mother heart can accomplish.”

I see mother hearts all around me. I see them in my single friends who give of their time and means to serve those who have less than they do. I see them in my 20-something friends who’ve decided to have babies when they could have had perfect stomachs for a few more years. I see them in my childless Creative Director who brings me an Easter basket when we’re working Easter Sunday, even though she is an Atheist Jew.

I am the product of the Mother Hearts in my life. I guess next time I’m asked the question, “how many Moms do you have?” I’ll say, “lots.”

sisters

Mother, sister and I at my sister’s wedding.

I hope that today, we can each remember to show our mothers a little extra love. I believe that while motherhood may require a sacrifice of money, recognition, or a more glamorous lifestyle, it is not a sacrifice of ability or intelligence. It is a choice to dedicate those abilities to another kind of profession—one that greatly needs talented women.

In ten years, I may not become an award-winning Creative Director. I may not have a perfect wardrobe or be the head of a Fortune 500 company.

In ten years, I may just be a Mom. And that sounds pretty great to me.

Happy Mother’s Day, to all the Mother Hearts.

“I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.

I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.

I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s children.

I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden.

I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.

I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.” 

 -Marjorie Hinckley

 

Wedding

19 Comments

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  1. 3
    Tayva Patch

    Wow, Rebbie–that was a wonderful post, and a beautiful piece to read on Mother’s Day! You are a treasure. Thanks so much for phrasing the blessings of ‘mothering’ so well, and for the personal warmth of memories that your writing and photos brought to mind. Love to you today and always.

  2. 5
    Jonathan

    That is a beautiful quote from Sister Hinckley. Thank you so much for your work here on this blog – I so appreciate everything you’ve discussed since you’ve begun! (I’ve only been following for a month or three, but I’m the type of guy that reads archives.)

  3. 8
    Julie Burr

    Reb-You are GREAT!! I love your writing! I wish all the world could read this. I will definitely pass it along. I too love the memories from these cute pictures! I am so happy to be a mother and that my girls call your mother their “second mother”. Much love!

  4. 10
    Pat Anderson

    Rebbie, My heart is so touched by your beautiful words. It was a great privilege to know you as a darling child and a lovely teenager in the 14th Ward. You have grown up with a dynamic vocabulary, coupled with transcendent thoughts, and the ability to put the two together. I am a better person today because I have read your post. Keep writing!

  5. 11
    Lucy Beutler

    I know your Mom and everything you said was exactly true. I also know a lot of the other mothers who nurtured you and know that they would be proud, just as I was that you understood and appreciated the gift of their sacrifice.
    I loved your thoughts!
    Lucy Beutler

  6. 12
    Nakita

    I stumbled upon this post just now and am in AWE! You put it perfectly, for every woman no matter their circumstance (stay-at-home, working, childless, etc). I’ve been uplifted. Thanks!

  7. 13
    Tamera Miner

    Rebbie, What a gift you have! Thanks for sharing with the world your talent and letting everyone know we are NORMAL. What a joy to know you and your family, your sweet Mother and kind Father. We admire what you do and will continue to cheer you on. Your Mother is a treasure and we know you will follow her wonderful example. Our daughter Melesa thinks of you with loving thoughts and feels she is part of all of your lives. Keep up your great work. Much love from another 14th ward Mom.

  8. 14
    Shauna

    I’m not LDS but I used to be. I come here and read some of the silly things that I once did and cringe. I did have a lovely childhood, though, and I’m glad of that.

    Thank you for the lovely comments about “Mother Hearts”. It was my childhood dream to be a mommy someday but fate had other things in mind, I guess. As a woman who is unable to have children, Mothers Day is often a depressing day, indeed. I dote on my critter kids and nieces and nephews but I’ll never have my own child and that makes me sad sometimes. It’s nice to be acknowledged and have a name…even if it’s just in the mormon circles. Ha.

    Beautifully written blog. Keep it up.

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