In honor of the most love/hated holiday of the year, we decided that in the days leading up to February 14th, we’d give the world a little glimpse of what it’s like to search for love as a Mormon.
To start it off, let me introduce you to perhaps the strangest social event ever invented:
THE DESSERT PARTY.
Before we get into it, let’s step back for a minute.
While our church is all about loving, eternal marriages, a large number of us are still searching high and low for our better halves. Yes, we Mormons — like any contestant on The Bachelor — just want to find love.
I’ve talked with non-Mormon friends about how hard it is to meet people in L.A. Between traffic and parking, going out in this town is all but impossible. Yet every weekend, they brave the angry drivers and the parking-lot-highway in hopes of meeting a special someone over a tasty alcoholic beverage.
But if Mormons don’t go out for drinks, how do we go about finding our special someones?
Enter DESSERT PARTY.
Almost every Sunday night in apartments across the nation, Mormons gather to eat baked goods.
It’s a strange phenomenon.
After church, you’re sitting around dreading Monday, and suddenly you realize how much you’d like to get married. What do you do? Create a Facebook event, make a bunch of cookies, and invite everyone you know over.
Lindsay Parcell, resident BYU bombshell, brings all the boys to the yard.
Its purpose seems actually quite similar to going to a bar. I won’t pretend to completely understand The Dessert Party (nor the bar), but I will attempt to expound on how the two might compare.
CUPCAKE VS. ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE
I’m trying to figure out why we decided baked goods were the substitute for alcohol.
Maybe we could have tried for a Soda Party. A Juice Party. A Water Party? Those all sound so lame though.
It appears that the common denominator between the two is that they’re bad for you. And they taste delicious. And holding them in your hand somehow makes it easier to talk to an attractive human.
I’ve recently discovered that I have genetically altered my body to crave dessert whenever alcohol is near. The other day we had a work party and as soon as the alcohol came out, I made a beeline for the cupcakes. I stood there in a circle of people wiping frosting off my face while they sipped champagne.
I guess we all have our vices. And those vices seem to be the key to falling in love with each other.
“Is he going to buy me a drink?” vs. “Does he like my cupcakes?”
As T-Pain taught us, when a male is interested in a female, he buys her a drank. It’s a subtle, yet straightforward assurance that a guy is into you, or at least more than the girl next to you.
But it’s not really the same at The Dessert Party. There’s no official gauge of interest, since it’s not exactly impressive to have a guy offer you a cupcake that you baked. What he can do is compliment your baking skills. I suppose this is the equivalent of the drank-buying in terms of a male showing a female that he likes her, kinda.
Now I’m wondering if the history of The Dessert Party stems back to Mormon women having a desire to show off their homemaking skills?
I canned these Macaroons for you. Would you like to get my number?
I’m not sure that’s a legitimate argument. Suffice it to say it’s a little tougher to gauge a man’s interest at The Dessert Party than it is at the bar.
DRINKING VS. EATING
Which one of these basic life functions allows for more attractive interactions?
Holding a fancy drink is hands down more attractive than holding, say, a slice of apple pie. And the fact that you don’t have to chew while asking someone where they went to college is a definite plus.
But with all the liquid courage a drink brings, it also brings the possibility of getting sloshed, which I have seen lead to some less attractive occurrences. I won’t pretend to know whether that’s a positive or a negative, but it does seem like a liability.
Maybe Drinking wins the high risk, high reward argument. Personally, I’ll probably stick to the low-risk, highly-rewarding double fudge brownies.
So what’s the point?
In college, we had a Dessert Party that was hot chocolate-themed. “Love at First Sip” was what we called it. I’m telling you, less palatable hot chocolate has never been publicly available. We dumped every bit of Stephens Hot Cocoa powder we could find into our pot full of boiling water, but somehow it came out barely sweet and lukewarm.
But the people still came. They still met. They still loved.
So my question to all of us is this: At the end of the day, is a Moscow Mule, or a lemon bar really necessary? Do they contain some aphrodesiac-ical powers? Do you really care about each other’s drinking taste? Do we really care about each other’s baking skills?
I think the answer is no.
I just think meeting new people is kind of the worst. I blame Facebook for taking away our social skills.
But I guess that’s the power of love. We will go to great lengths for the possibility of meeting a new face–whether it’s braving L.A. traffic or choking down another piece of box-mix funfetti cake.
So here’s to all the single people–to every night spent in awkward conversation at every unsuccessful social gathering.
Love is waiting for us. We will find it! Next weekend at that party.
Tune in tomorrow to hear the next step on the road to Mormon love. And don’t forget to do something nice for someone you LOVE on Thursday. I’m going to FaceTime my sister!